Science Jokes

Q. Why are conspiracy theories are like moon landings?
A. Because they're all fake.

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Two hydrogen atoms are at a party and bump into each other. The first one says, "Hey, grab that electron, it's mine!" "How do you know?" asks the second. "'Cause I'm positive!" the first replies.

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Photons have mass? I didn't know that they were Catholic. 

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Q. Why is quantum mechanics is the original "original hipster"?
A. It described the universe before it was cool.

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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. The first says to the second, "I think I've lost an electron." The second replies, "Are you sure?" to which the first retorts, "Yes, I'm positive."

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Do you want to know how often I say element jokes? Periodically.

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Three doctors are out geese-hunting. A gaggle flies over and the oncologist raises and then lowers his gun. "I better conduct an MRI first to determine if those were really geese." Some more geese fly by & the endocrinologist raises his gun and then lowers it. "I'll need some bloodwork to conduct an A1C and determine what those birds were first." Some more geese fly over. The trauma doc raises his shotgun and blows them out of the sky. "What were those things, anyway?" he asks.

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I used to know a lot of science jokes, but now they argon.

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Q: Why are atoms Catholic?
A: Because they have mass.

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Q: Why do centipedes have 100 legs?
A: So they can walk.

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A photon walks into a hotel. The desk clerk says, "Welcome to our hotel. Can we help you with your luggage?" The photon says, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

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I would make another chemistry joke, but they ARGON.

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Q: What did the 30 degree angle say to the 90 degree angle?
A: "You think you're always right!"

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Newton, Pascal and Archimedes are playing hide and seek. Archimedes starts to count, Pascal hides in a bush, and Newton draws a square on the ground and steps into it. Archimedes finds Newton first, of course, but Newton replies, "Nope. One Newton on one square meter is equal to one Pascal."

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When you die, you should have your brain donated to science. I hear they're trying to come up with the perfect vacuum.

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Q: What do you do with a sick scientist?
A: Well if you can't helium and you can't curium then you might as well barium

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the möbius strip?
A: To get to the same side.

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Q: Why shouldn't you take atoms seriously?
A: Because they make up everything.

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Q: Why can you never trust an atom?



A: Because they make up everything

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Q: Why do pirates like algebra?
A: "Annex" marks the spot.

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A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."

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Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.

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Q: How do astronomers organize a party?
A: They planet.

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Q: Why can't you trust an atom?
A: Because they make up everything.

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I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.

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Q: Why shouldn't you make fun of a paleontologist?
A: Because you will get Jurasskicked.

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Q. What do clouds do when they become rich?

A. They make it rain!

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Want to hear a Potassium joke? K.

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Helium walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here." Helium doesn't react.

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Molecule 1: I just lost an electron.
Molecule 2: Are you sure?
Molecule 1: I’m positive.

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When Magnesium and Oxygen started dating I was like, "O MG!"

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Q: Why are Helium, Curium, and Barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't heal-ium or cure-ium, you bury-um.

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